The Fear That's Worse Than Rejection

Actual picture of me sending out queries in the back yard of the house that inspired the book...

 

Hello magical friends,

The Thing I’ve Been Avoiding Like the Plague

I thought I’d share a personal milestone with you. I just did something I’ve been afraid of doing for decades.

I sent out query letters.

Such a simple, common thing that pretty much all writers have to do, eventually. But I’ve carefully avoided it with the twitchy “no thanks, none for me” sidestep most people reserve for phobias, severe allergies, and public nudity.

Pitching is not my problem. I’ve pitched articles and talks. I’ve pitched a startup and a television show. I’ve pitched myself and my many businesses and ideas time and time again. And while some pitches hit, I’ve also been shot down. Plenty.

But these were projects I wasn’t afraid to fail at because they weren’t the real thing, the thing I most wanted to do.

Writing is my real thing.

It’s much easier to be fearless when you know failure won’t cost you that.

What I’m Querying (And Why It Matters So Much)

The finished manuscript I’m querying is Pride and Prejudice, but from Mrs. Bennet’s perspective—a midlife woman navigating marriage, motherhood, and a society that’s done with her.

The Other Bennet Sister about Mary Bennet is currently having a moment. And if the weird sister can have her moment in the sun, why can’t her oft-reviled mother be redeemed as well?

Mrs. Bennet has been dismissed, mocked, and misunderstood for over two hundred years. I think she deserves to be heard, don’t you?

Maybe that’s why querying this particular book feels so personal. Because writing fiction—especially fiction this close to your heart—is an exercise in turning your soul inside out and then waiting, waiting, waiting to see who, if anyone, notices, cares, or says “me too.”

Me too, Mrs Bennet. Me too!

The Worst Fear Isn’t Rejection

The absolute worst thing that can happen after pouring your heart and soul onto paper and sharing it with the world isn’t someone hating it. It’s nothing.

There is no loneliness more lonely than this particular brand of silence.

Perhaps this is why the queries I sent out—the ones I’ve heard nothing but crickets back on—feel so much worse than the three quick rejections I received.

Those rejections weren’t what I wanted to hear, but they weren’t my worst fear either. They were reassuring in that the very least I was acknowledged, I knew my words had been seen.

I’m still waiting to hear back on a few more. The silence feels both hopeful and damning. I ricochet between believing anything is possible and everything is pointless (and, at my lowest, that I and my words might be worthless).

What Fuels Me (And What I Need Right Now)

Hearing from readers is what fuels me. Silence from my readers would be even worse than silence from agents, because readers are who I write for. You are who I write for.

I might need to hear from you more than usual while going through this process. And let me say in advance that I’m so grateful for every message, every comment, every sign that what I write matters to someone.

The Ace Up My Sleeve

Would I like to partner with an amazing agent and publisher to get this book out there? Yes, I really would appreciate that opportunity.

But as a seasoned indie author, I know I can also sell this book on my own. This bookwill come out someday. Because it has to.

What I’m Asking For

I’m inviting you to think happy thoughts for me. Send good vibes. Send agent manifestation magic my way.

If you know an agent who represents upmarket/book club fiction, women’s fiction, or Pride and Prejudice adaptations—please send them my way.

And when this book comes out (because it will), I’ll need you to share it and champion it.

Not only do I need to be seen and heard right now—I think Mrs Bennet really does too!

Stay whimsical, friends! I got myself some silly charms for my "whale watching crocs" after querying.